020 Week 20: Thoughts on Friendship

• The Top Ten Posts In 20 Weeks

Twenty weeks have passed since I first started blogging. Still, I am writing. I guess that’s discipline to some people. But again, like I’d explained before (019 Is There An Easier Way To Become Disciplined?), I am merely doing what I enjoy.

Thanks to you, here is a chart of TOP TEN POSTS. The corresponding number on the right indicates the number of views.

• Making A Difference, I Hope

I am most encouraged by the response to last week’s post on discipline. It had outstripped the rest and made it to No. 1 rapidly.

Shortly after its publication, I received notification of a spike in readership.

That day alone, it generated twice the usual rate of 70 views on the first day of release. I knew immediately that the article must have struck a chord.

A friend Z wrote, “Your article is interesting. Please continue to write, inspire and remind us of the things we had before but long forgotten .”

Two other friends B and J coincidentally said that the article was a timely reminder to get their lazy bums to the gym. Another friend L thought that my home secret to discipline could be applied to getting her daughter to enjoy learning Chinese.

Your words are great confidence boosters. I start to believe, maybe I can make a difference to others through honest sharing.

• You Are The Reason I Blog

Friends are the reason I blog. Not only do I get to reflect constantly through writing, I also get to know them better. Indeed, sharing from friends has become a constant source of motivation.

A patriotic friend T shared his personal vision, “LKY* served Singapore till the age of 91. We will do him proud by serving this country up till the age of 100. Let’s make each year onwards meaningful. Imagine the joy of celebrating Singapore’s 100th birthday (in 2065) together!”

I have the exact sentiments. I have known T for more two decades. It is only after his sharing that I realise how much we have in common in our affection towards this country.

Alone, I would have just kept a diary to myself. Together, my friends, I believe we can find better ways to live healthier, fuller and longer.

* LKY refers to Lee Kuan Yew, the founding Father of modern Singapore.

• Have More Like-Minded Friends

Some friends asked if I mind that they share my blog with others who I do not know. Not at all, look at the spread of readers across continents! By all means, if you find the content thought-provoking in a positive sense, please spread it to your family and friends.

I am curious to know how people of similar values lead their lives in different circumstances and environments. It would be great to know and learn from those who are reading my blog!

I believe strangers today may become friends tomorrow. Whether you agree with my views or not, that does not matter. Because views may change over time. Values, however, are the constant compass in our life. I find it a blessing to have more like-minded friends.

• Based Your Friendship On Something More Enduring

Given the long hours we spend at workplace, I always wonder if like-minded friends can be found among colleagues.

Unfortunately, friendship fostered at workplace is often based on convenience, not on shared values. The moment such convenience is removed, the friendship gradually slipped into oblivion. Too bad for people who realise it only too late.

A neighbour and friend L told me, “My husband devoted his entire life to work. At retirement, he was devastated to find himself both out of job and friends at the same time. I had to encourage him to restart making real friends.”

I do not think that there is no real friendship at workplace. On the contrary, I believe authentic friendship is good for both the organisation and the individual.

My optimism is despite the very fact that I was in a similar plight as L’s husband. When I was transferred out of a familiar work environment of nearly 15 years, I was distraught to find almost all previous ties were severed, especially with those I valued most.

Upon reflection, I realise I’ve failed to understand the true essence of friendship. If friendship is based on something more permanent, surely it will become more enduring.

• Friends Or Just Colleagues?

I consider myself fortunate to realise my folly late than never. Rather than confining myself to knowing people who are closely associated to me at work, I made two changes:

1. Make effort to understand people individually, one at a time.
2. Cherish opportunities to bond with people of similar values.

The acid test of workplace friendship is whether the friendship continue to flourish even after either party leave the company.

Finally, I’ve found a few colleagues-turned-friends this year. In jubilation, I said to one of them,

“Although we are no longer colleagues, I am so happy that we continue to be friends.”

Then, I got a ludicrous reply with a witty and wicked smile, “No. That only makes you my EX-colleague!”

Ouch! That hurts. Maybe I should just count this person out. *laughs*

William W K Tan

25 November 2017, Saturday

Personal Notes:

I am now having a vacation break with my family in Malacca for the first time. A beautiful place with nice food and unique architecture.

Today, in between activities, I was either busy re-writing this article or preoccupied with thoughts.

Luckily, I have a book entitled “Living Every Moment” with me. It is a good reminder telling me to let go of past thoughts and future concerns, but focus at the present. Simply said, learn to give full attention to every moment. And to the people and things around us.

It is only after this realisation that I appreciate fully the joy of a family trip and the unique charms of Malacca. I have still much to learn about living in the present.